Sometimes, I wake up with an ache in my heart. I really don't know how to describe it. Maybe in my continuous attempt at being positive, I hold everything negative that I encounter or that crosses my mind inside. I don't like sharing any of my personal grievances with people around me... I want to stay positive... for the most part.
Since coming back from Hawaii, I've been experiencing an internal pain caused by my own decisions and actions. I feel guilt, remorse, longing, confusion all at one time. Lost a friend, bruised a relationship...I carry the burden. It's my own fault.
Now, I don't really want to disclose much more, I feel a slight release on the inner vice I've put myself in. I smile on the outside, cringe on the inside. Breathe in, breathe out. It'll be a new day in an hour.
I know that I'll read this later on and I'll be utterly disgusted. But, it's part of the process. At least I have it down somewhere for no one to read...sort of.
I think a cigarette will do the trick. But I could definitely use a bottle of rum.