Random rantings...

Sometimes, I wake up with an ache in my heart. I really don't know how to describe it. Maybe in my continuous attempt at being positive, I hold everything negative that I encounter or that crosses my mind inside. I don't like sharing any of my personal grievances with people around me... I want to stay positive... for the most part.

Since coming back from Hawaii, I've been experiencing an internal pain caused by my own decisions and actions. I feel guilt, remorse, longing, confusion all at one time. Lost a friend, bruised a relationship...I carry the burden. It's my own fault.

Now, I don't really want to disclose much more, I feel a slight release on the inner vice I've put myself in. I smile on the outside, cringe on the inside. Breathe in, breathe out. It'll be a new day in an hour.

I know that I'll read this later on and I'll be utterly disgusted. But, it's part of the process. At least I have it down somewhere for no one to read...sort of.

I think a cigarette will do the trick. But I could definitely use a bottle of rum.

7 Red Things

Soo... My cousin, Nenette at LifeCandy tagged me. She's quite neato. Seriously. She's family. It's difficult for her not to be. As it is for myself. Anywho..

The rules are as follows:

1. Take pictures of 7 red things in your home.

2. Tag 7 people to do the tag.

Here's what I gots...

1. My Lululemon reusuable shopping bag. All the writing on the bag is referred to as The Lululemon Manifesto. It has a lot of good life stuff on it.

2. My West Side Story Movie. This is one of my favorite musicals! I've been watching this since I was a wee one.

3. My Jollibee Mascot. We bought this on our trip to the Philippines. He's wearing a barong.

4. Overdue Christmas presents. I cringe when I see these. They need to be delivered sooner than later.

5. My Old High School Sweater.... which I now use strictly as home wear. And when frying stuff.

6. Twilight Saga. I am enamored by the series. I <3>

7. My Pretty Lady on Vacation in Hawaii Pillow. It's so pretty, I had to buy. Edward likes it too.

I found this task a tad difficult. Mainly because I don't have much red in the room.... If the game was take pictures of pink stuff... Now that I would have over 10 pictures.

Save Your Mother (Her name is Earth)

20 Things I Want You To Know

I copied this concept from my cousin LifeCandy, who she, in turn, copied from someone else. I, too, have opted to take the chicken-shit way out and post my grievances via blog. Most of the time, I say what I feel when I feel it....and most of the time, I immediately feel guilty or get in trouble. But I have at least 20 people that I to want to give a strong talking to...let alone a kick in the penis or punch in the ovary.

So here, 20 things I hate about you... oh sorry, I want you to know. Hate is such a strong word.

1. Most days, I want to kick your face in. Your opinion is not the only one that matters. Most times, the things your say are very mean and hurtful. You'd lose your top if I spoke to you that way.

2. I wish that you and I had a better relationship. It's not always about you, you know! (it's about me)

3. I strongly dislike that you're such a princess. It really gets on my nerves.

4. I know you think you're all hot shit... but you have a small penis. And questionable fashion sense.

5. I like you, I think you're nice, but you don't need to call him every hour. He does have other things to do you know....

6. When you drink, you get so obnoxious, loud and super embarrassing. Or maybe I'm just not drunk enough.

7. I wish things could've been different, but frankly, you're too young and Fran's awesome.

8. Sometimes, you're incessant eye rolling makes me want to rip your eyes from their sockets, throw them on the ground and step on them.

9. Cooking is not my main thing. I don't even get to cook creatively for myself anymore. There's more to me than this shit. Thanks.

10. Your attitude makes me want to throw raw proteins at your face, but that would be a waste.

11. Your boyfriend is an ass and I could break him in a minute. If he only knew he's messing with the wrong family.

12. I honestly think you're really stupid.

13. I'm completely disgusted by you.

14. You know what, you negative Nancy, be thankful of everything you have and stop complaining! You're giving me a headache!

15. Your treatment of Fran was uncalled for and inexcusable. You're lucky I haven't seen you since then. P.S. You're a douche.

16. You have no idea what you gave up. But thanks for cheating on me. I found someone who knows my worth.

17. Why are you hating on me? What? If you have a problem with me, let it out. Trust me. I don't like you most of the time either!!

18. You deserve so much more than you're allowing yourself to receive!

19. I secretly think that you and I could possibly be really good friends... but I don't want to seem like a stalker to find out.

20. You are such a beautiful person, inside and out. And I kinda want to be your twin... but me... and sexier.

So, there we are there. It took a while. I read through it several times, and I know it sounds depressing, negative and angry... and I really wanted to revise it and add some more positive points, but I feel better about this. Like a pressure releasing my chest.

P.S. I'm not all that angry and negative. We've all got days.

She is DEFINITELY Sasha Fierce!!

Can I just say...DAMN!!?!?!

Beyonce is a force to be reckoned with. Beautiful, talented... FRICKIN' sexy!!! She has always been someone I've looked to for "Get-Off-Your-Ass-And-Workout" motivation. Have you seen her body??? Hot damn!

That's it!! I'm going to start working out again! I will look like Beyonce!! Ok, no, I won't. But I am going to work out and start taking care of myself better so my outsides match my insides... bloody with guts! Ok...sorry. What I really meant was that I want to look just as fierce on the outside as I feel on the inside.

That will require consistent exercising dates with the Guildford Rec. Center, less laying around, more healthier meals. It'll be difficult, but honestly, I could as half as good as Beyonce, it'll be worth it!!

*I think we need to retire the word fierce.

P.S. - I think Kanye has a bit of something stuck in his throat. I think it might be his huge...umm...ahem...ahem...ego.

OMG! He totally slipped my mind...

Can I just say that Ryan Gosling is delicious? I've always thought so, ever since his Breaker High days. I didn't get to watch him on The New Mickey Mouse Club, we didn't have that show in Canada.... or maybe I didn't know that we did.... or maybe we just didn't have it in Winnipeg.

Anyway, then he's in The Notebook... SWOONING FOREVER!! Full on obsession. Then it died down... and life went on.

Finally, a month or two ago, after I watched The Notebook for a good old fashioned cry-fest, I google and youtube Ryan... just to see what this homegrown hottie is doing these days. I come across several of his performances on the MMC and this....

I cannot believe how talented this mother f*cker is!! He sings, he acts, he plays instruments, he can dance, he's GORGEOUS! I love him. He's my dream guy! But, I was with someone who was kinda the same. Played instruments, he danced, made his own music, had full on vinyl records!! No one has vinyl records these days...that I knew of. Anyway, I swooned, loved that he was so musically inclined and so creative, thought I was "esthetically pleasing" (come on, who says that?).... but he was dating two other girls besides me at the same time and thought that I should be ok with that and understand. I know it probably has to do with the person himself and should have nothing to do with the person's interests, but for me, that's/there's the connection.

I love my Mr. Fitness freak, who eats healthy and exercises regularly (and because I cook for a living and happen to value butter and salt, our arguments revolve around quality of food and I love to eat...everything), but does everything in his power to make sure that I'm happy and well taken care of. Mr. Fitness couldn't play an instrument to save his life, could possibly sing really well if he practiced, and I would rather not see him dance. But he belongs to me and its all good.

But if I could have Ryan Gosling too, that would be even more all good-er.

The New Kid on the Block

It's not what you think! Although, I wish I could say that they were coming to town, again, and that they were going to perform privately for me and some friends, again. Ok, the last one didn't happen.

I'm actually referring to this new cupcakery called Big City Cupcakes. Cool place. Very minimal decor. I don't know if its intentional, maybe because they've just opened and they haven't really gotten around to it. I don't know. It's nice though, it's good that the main focus are the cupcakes. Obviously. Cupcake store.

So, I had previously posted about the other cupcakery, Cupcakes, but I realized that I didn't actually talk about the quality of the cupcake. I thought should take this opportunity to do a comparison. Neato.

Alright! So my girlfriend and I tried out the new cupcake joint, which is located on Howe and Nelson, if any one is interested, today after work. Of course, my eyes were hungrier than my stomach and I went all out. I bought 6 cupcakes. Dammit. No! 7 cupcakes! I had to leave with a cupcake to eat right then!

From the top, left to right...

• Strawberry cheesecake cupcake, vanilla cake, filled with cheesecake, strawberry buttercream
• Coconut cupcake, vanilla cake, some kind of hardened icing (maybe a poured fondant-I don't know), with shredded coconut
• Truffle cupcake, chocolate cake, filled with ganache, iced with ganache and chocolate flakes
• Chocolate covered strawberry cupcake, chocolate cake, strawberry buttercream, I don't know if it's filled. It's too pretty to eat. I'll get over it soon.
• Chocolate-coconut cupcake, chocolate cake, that same hardened icing, shredded coconut, and chocolate swirlies on top.
• New York Cheesecake cupcake, chocolate cake, filled with cheesecake, cream cheese icing.

They are really good. But here's the real BUTT.

Too sweet, some weren't really moist and fluffy, the icing had kinda gritty mouthfeel... what else. Some of the Big City Cupcakes that I did try weren't balanced, in sweetness I mean. For example, the coconut cupcake with the chocolate drizzles on top. The icing on top was hard, too sweet and also had sweetened coconut shreds on top. The cake inside was dry... it was sweet at all but the icing overpowered everything. I couldn't even enjoy the ganache filling.

The other joint, Cupcakes, I find their cupcakes to be moist and balanced. AND reasonably priced. The other place is kinda pricey, but they do use quality ingredients and I'm sure it takes some time and labour to fill cupcakes.

I don't know maybe I'm biased and I haven't tried all that Big City has to offer. I'll keep you posted.